Samuel, a single father of three children, (aged 4, 9, and 15 years), lived in Delft with his girlfriend until she passed away two years ago. He struggled to make ends meet and spent much of his time on the streets, looking for food to put on the table. Samuel’s own upbringing in a single-parent household had been challenging, and he wanted to break the cycle for his children.
“Growing up was tough,” says Samuel. “There were days when I thought ‘I don’t want this for my children one day’ but as I grew older, I noticed things weren’t any different from how I was raised. I realised I was doing the same to my children. I was in my children’s lives but was not a part of their lives,” says Samuel. “While I’m out there looking for food, they are still at home, alone and hungry for their supper.”
The Invitation
While queuing for soup at Community Changers for Life (CC4Life), a non-profit organization based in Delft that hosts food relief and upliftment programs for the community, Samuel was approached by Terrence, one of the founders of CC4Life. Terrence invited Samuel to join the “Book-sharing for Fathers” course. With nothing to lose, Samuel joined the training sessions and started practising book-sharing at home with his four-year-old son.
A Slow Start
Before introducing him to book-sharing, Samuel’s youngest son had no connection to reading or interest in books. The transition in getting him used to book-sharing was slow. At first, he wasn’t interested and struggled to pay attention, but Samuel persisted, and his son’s attitude towards book-sharing started to change.
“Brother Terrence told us that the child must take control and lead and I used to do what he told me to do and make my boy comfortable,” says Samuel. “We would make a small tent and I would sometimes give him a small packet of chips to have at the end as a reward. As we were doing more book-sharing, then I would find he had made his own little tent with a blanket, and he would call me to do book-sharing with him.”
Consistency is Key
Book-sharing helped Samuel’s relationship with his other two children as well. Samuel made it consistent, every day at a certain time, and his youngest son would come to him and say, “It’s time for books”. When he did that, Samuel would tell his daughter and older son to take their books out as well. “So, every day at six or just past six, the books must be out. Our bond became much stronger at the end of the day.”
Samuel’s children found him to be more approachable since he started book-sharing with his youngest son and was invested in his older children’s homework. Samuel shares that parents need to be hands-on and involved in their children’s lives. He explains, “Being part of your child’s life can change their life because if you’re not there to lead, they will take their own path or actions and think you don’t care. You need to show them what is wrong and what is right.” He sees book-sharing as a valuable tool that allows him to grow closer to all of his children and be a much more present parent in their lives.
Parents, Take the Lead
Samuel attributes the consistency to a strengthened bond between him and his children, and noticed how his children started to come to him with their problems. “In the beginning, it wasn’t like that. When something was wrong, I used to find out from my mom or somebody else – your son did this or your daughter did that… I would just scold them even though I didn’t know what the problem was. But because of the book-sharing, it seems a barrier was broken down and they started coming to me and telling me their problems and stuff like that, and then we would deal with it together – even the youngest one.”
The Path Forward
Although Samuel’s connection with his children has been strengthened, the family is still reliant on others in the community for food while Samuel is unemployed. They appreciate the nutrition support that CC4Life has been able to provide every so often in terms of evening meals. As a result, Samuel’s children are better able to focus on their homework, and his youngest has more energy for book-sharing after supper time, enabling them to fall asleep with at least something in their tummies.
Samuel hopes to be employed and back on his feet soon, in a position to provide his children with all they need to thrive – this primarily includes food but also, the value of having open channels of communication with his children, something which book-sharing has shown him is indeed possible.
